Shamleless Plug

I'm embarking on a new part of my life that is happier and going in a direction! It's really refreshing.

I was married May 19th, 2012 to a great guy I met at the C.I.A and we're go excited to embark on a life together. He has as culinary degree to match my baking and pastry degree. It's going to be a Good life.

I hope you enjoy my thoughts on food and cooking. I am but a humble baker, who happens to love cooking and embraces the joy of food.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

No idea

Getting out of my head isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I’m still in it, all the time. There’s so much I want to say here, express. But it’s hard. I have no idea how to articulate, or connect the thoughts logically. What makes sense to me, things that connect in my mind, make no sense to other people. Right now I want to talk about things like lyrics, my day, lunch and weirdness, but I don’t know how to make them flow and connect. I guess I’ll just go ahead, screw the rules and go for it.

“I don't care what you might think about me, you'll get by without me if you want” is a lyric from Jason Mraz’s “Geek In The Pink.” Gotta love Jason Mraz. I don’t care what people think about me, most of the time. I want to be liked, semi-popular, socialish, happy. But I’m too weird, awkward and dorky.

A classmate told me yesterday “You aren’t weird, you’re Jenni” and I took it as a compliment: I’m neither weird nor normal, I’m somewhere in the middle, and I appreciated that. I want to be that happy medium. I like my weird, disconnected thoughts, my tendency to giggle and find odd things amusing, my beliefs and values. I’m odd, but I like that. I like that I don’t drink coffee because I don’t need it. I can wake up at 7 am, crawl out of bed and be fully awake within 15 minutes, caffeine free. I love that. Early to bed, early to rise.
There are things I hate about myself, of course. I hate that I talk so fast and get so nervous and suspicious of people. I hate that I’m bitterly unhappy sometimes and have such ca short fuse sometimes. I hate that I don’t work out more, eat more fruits and vegetables…but that’s a new blog for later….. No one is perfect though. I have so many flaws and faults, but who doesn’t?

What else am I supposed to say? I need to blog and write more, but my creative side is either not there or lacking severely. I don’t have anything worthwhile to say. I want to be a writer, I want to work in a magazine, but I don’t think I’m good enough. I feel so terribly average sometimes. Where am I supposed to go from here? From school? Onwards to life? I want to be happy, successful, have a great career that will challenge me, help me grow and take me places, but I just don’t know how to get there. I feel so terribly unmotivated sometimes. I hope that we all feel that way, and I’m just human, but what about all those students and people who work so damn hard? They work themselves all day and night, full time student and full time jobbers. I could never do that….maybe I ought to stop before I depress myself.

I’ll have to work harder on these blogs, I’ll love to make this a more normal thing.