Shamleless Plug

I'm embarking on a new part of my life that is happier and going in a direction! It's really refreshing.

I was married May 19th, 2012 to a great guy I met at the C.I.A and we're go excited to embark on a life together. He has as culinary degree to match my baking and pastry degree. It's going to be a Good life.

I hope you enjoy my thoughts on food and cooking. I am but a humble baker, who happens to love cooking and embraces the joy of food.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Untitled

I wonder what kind of person I am sometimes, how I’m viewed. Scolding thoughts pop into my head sometimes: “Be nice. Be patient. Don’t be moody. Think before you speak.” I try hard to be nice, polite, friendly, helpful, anything I can be, but I don’t know if I come off that way.

I know I’m misunderstood. So I try extra hard to censor myself. Most people don’t understand when I’m being sarcastic, so I get looks that make me feel like a bad person. I censor myself so I wont be misunderstood….but it happens anyway. Damn. I’m so quiet but I have so much going on. I guess I’m scared of being misunderstood, laughed at, teased, thought stupid because I speak so fast.

So I’m stuck here, in my head, on paper, on a blog. Mute, wanting to be heard, but unsure if I even will be.

Maybe I’m better off quiet and eccentric. I’m so stuck. I’m so quiet. I see people in all these little groups, chatting before class and during breaks. I observe quietly, deciding whether or not to be jealous. I don’t feel left out, but when I’m spoken to it means a lot to me. When people are friendly to me and including, I’m surprised.

I’m still suspicious though. Years of poor intentioned peers have taught me that much. I always feel people are nice to me out of pity, humoring me. Pretending. You know how people are always super nice to those with noticeable mental disabilities? That’s how I feel sometimes.

I’m suspicious, untrusting at times…though I try to be as outgoing as I can, I still feel like I can’t really put full trust into others until I know them well enough. I’m unsure weather or not I should try and be apart of conversations. You’d think being seniors in college would get some maturity into you. But there are still the girls who are stuck in high school and give you strange looks for being the slightest bit different. It makes me crazy. Grow up, people!

I feel quiet and lethargic today. I don’t want to do anything but sit quietly and write…maybe watch tv. I write this while waiting for a group presentation to come together…I’ve been waiting over an hour…I don’t think it’s going to happen. I don’t know if my teammate has my phone number, but we did say 7pm downstairs…..I’m worried I got the time wrong.

I’m in another fog. This happens when I’m in my head all day and don’t really talk. I get so deep inside that it’s hard to get myself out. I can’t shake it. It makes me a little cranky and short, but I can’t really help it.

I’m so lethargic I’m sorry to say I don’t think I want to continue writing this post. But it feels nice to get all these words down. Watch, I’m tired now, but come 11pm and I’ll be wide awake.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...[Reply]

I know the kind of person that you are. You are a kind, loving, caring, beautiful woman. You may be a little "eccentric" and shy but that is a part of your charm. That is what helps make you, you. If you were not you then who would you be?